Last of the Soyuz Class
by SadaraLochlan
Summary: After the loss of her ship in battle, Sadara Lochlan and her crew find themselves aboard the Enterprise. There Sadara discovers more about herself and her past.
1. The Aries

Commander Christopher Janeway entered the observation deck of the USS Aries. It was approaching ship's night; and the lights were dimmed so that he could barely make out the graceful silhouette of his captain, Sadara Lochlan in the corner, gazing pensively out at the stars and sipping a mug of hot chocolate. She was the only starship captain he'd ever served with who eschewed coffee. "Never acquired the taste for it and I refuse to be caught stranded on some planet for a week and be unable to function without it," she had said.

He hadn't been surprised to find her here; the observation deck was her refuge when she found herself troubled. He stopped just inside the doorway as the door swooshed closed behind him and remained there quietly with his hands clasped behind his back. He knew she was aware of his presence, but she hadn't yet strayed away from whatever course her thoughts had taken her. He studied her profile from where he stood. Even lounging in a chair, she appeared larger than life; alert and fully in command of both herself and this aging Soyuz class boarder cutter.

After what seemed an eternity, Lochlan turned her head to face her First Officer from across the room, a smirk tugging at her lips and mischief dancing in her dark blue eyes. "Join me, Commander. I won't bite. Much."

A bright and genuine smile finally broke through the red headed commander's military bearing as he bridged the gulf between them to lower himself into the cushy chair to her left.

"The Vulcan delegation has settled in, Captain. We are scheduled to rendezvous with the Enterprise at 0900 hours tomorrow."

Her left hand reached out and Janeway took it firmly, but gently. "Thank you for handling that," she said gratefully. "We're not used to ferrying diplomatic delegations around much on this old warhorse, are we? This was the only ship able to rendezvous with the big E in time though. That said I do feel I've gone into hiding a little bit since they arrived. I've been sitting here contemplating that."

"You made it through dinner," he pointed out, humor lighting up his aqua blue eyes, then the seriousness crept in. "I know that you're not very comfortable around Vulcans, but you've never really explained why. Care to talk about it?"

Lochlan nodded. I am what the Vulcans consider V'tosh Ka'tur or "Vulcans without logic." It is not an entirely accurate description. Most who are considered V'tosh Ka'tur embrace logic, but not to the complete exclusion of all emotion. They believe both have a place in the person's life and I concur, though how successful I've been over the years is open to debate. Most of these people are ostracized from Vulcan society and are shunned by their families. Admittedly, I favor my human half much more so than my Vulcan half. Despite their long history of space exploration and first contact with alien races, Vulcans can be… xenophobic and intolerant in a lot of ways. Surak forbid that alien beliefs, ideas, and emotions penetrate that logical little bubble they live in."

Setting her mug of hot chocolate gently on the table behind her, the captain of the Aries rose from her chair and crossed the few short steps to lean against one of the windows, peering out again into the depths of space. Her reflection stared back at her as the stars streaked by. She had recently chopped off her long, chocolate brown tresses in favor of a shoulder length, stick straight, inverted bob and she was still getting used to it. Commander Janeway thought the new cut suited her more than her long hair had. The straight, inverted bob was edgier and reflected her bold, more impulsive nature better than the reserved, uptight french twist she had worn before.

"It's uncomfortable for me to be around Vulcans because I understand they don't consider me one of them. I feel judged by them. Captain Spock is barely considered one of them and he follows the Vulcan way. We're not valued by Vulcan society in the same way as full Vulcans; even less for me than Spock, though he and I have spoken before about the prejudices we've faced in our lives. He has, in many ways, been the victim of worse prejudice than I have. Still, being rejected by the entire Vulcan race simply because I don't believe as they do is painful. I still have family there. Half of my heritage, ancestors, cultural beliefs and whatnot, come from Vulcan. In some ways I feel like I've been denied half of myself, but then I remind myself that just because I'm an outcast among Vulcans doesn't mean there aren't aspects of my Vulcan heritage I can't utilize or enjoy."

Commander Janeway sat forward, his hands folded, elbows resting on his knees as he listened to her. "I must admit I'm surprised the Vulcans would have such an extreme reaction to you and I'm sorry that happened to you. I wish I had something more constructive to offer." He pondered some more. "Well, you have the doctorate in Psychology. If our positions were reversed, what would you say to me?"

A rueful chuckle erupted from Lochlan as her head fell back and she gazed at the ceiling, rubbing her shoulders in thought. "I would ask the client if he could clarify what exactly about the Vulcans' presence caused the discomfort. In my case, that is definitely a fear of being judged, which indicates that I still have some work to do in learning how not to care about the opinions of others, especially others who care so little about me."

Janeway grinned. "Oh you don't seem to have that problem with others; just Vulcans. So why not beat the Vulcans at their own game? After all, it's hardly logical to worry about the opinions of others. If you're ostracized from Vulcan society already, being yourself isn't going to do any further harm. I'd even say have fun with them."

This time Sadara laughed out loud. "You are right, of course, Chris. I guess I really thought I'd worked this all out years ago. Something about having the Vulcan delegation aboard brought it all back. I'll have to see if I can put your evil little idea into practice tomorrow."

"Well, no time like the present."

"Oh, not tonight, Commander," Lochlan smirked with amusement as she stood up straight. "It is getting late and I'm planning on-"

She was cut off abruptly and thrown off balance as the ship rocked suddenly and the red alert klaxon began blaring all around them. Commander Janeway instinctively gripped the edge of the table behind him. Both frowned at each other, surprise still written over their features as they both started for the door.

"Bridge to Captain Lochlan. A Klingon Bird of Prey has decloaked off the port bow and is attacking." Lochlan detected an understandable amount of nervousness in her young helm officer, Lieutenant Catalina Castillo's high pitched voice.

Lochlan punched the comm button on the wall next to the door to the observation lounge. "Continue returning fire. We're on our way."

Captain Lochlan and Commander Janeway arrived on the bridge moments later. "Damage report!" Lochlan called out as she dropped herself in the command chair.

"Moderate damage to our forward shields," Lieutenant Castillo responded loudly over the red alert klaxon.

Lochlan turned to her First Officer and grimaced as her sensitive Vulcan ears found the blaring klaxon to be acutely aggravating. "I'd really love to know what the Klingons are doing here. What is the status of the Klingon vessel? And will somebody turn that damned klaxon off?!"

The klaxon was finally silenced as Commander Janeway turned away from his console to face his Captain. "The Klingon vessel has sustained moderate structural damage to their primary hull."

"Target their propulsion and weapons systems. I have a full diplomatic delegation on board and I don't want a prolonged battle with these assclowns." Lochlan gripped the armrests of her chair as the ship rocked again under another barrage of weapons fire.

"Captain, I'm picking up two more Klingon Birds of Prey converging on our position," her security chief, Lieutenant Commander Solkar informed her with his typically Vulcan stoicism.

At the news, Captain Lochlan's own face had molded itself into an atypically impassive expression as well. "Time to intercept?"

Solkar checked his console. "They'll be within weapons range in 64.5 seconds.

Lochlan considered the situation before her briefly. "Signal the nearest starship we need assistance. Has our friend out there been set adrift yet?"

"We've knocked out their weapons, Captain, but she's still maneuverable."

"Target their engineering section and maintain fire. Helm, set a course for that M class planet. I'm hoping the atmosphere will blind their sensors and buy us some time."

Castillo turned to face her superior officer. "Captain, is it necessary to continue firing on a vessel that can't fire back?"

"I wish it wasn't, Lieutenant, but Klingons are often enthusiastic about going to Sto Vo Kor. They may be willing to use their ship as a weapon since they can't fire at the moment and we have two fully operational Klingon ships about to join the festivities."

"Yes, ma'am," Castillo said, still not completely in agreement as she turned back to her console and punched in the new coordinates. She exchanged an uncertain glance with the communications officer, Nabuo Sasaki who met her coffee brown eyes briefly before turning toward the center seat.

"Captain, the Enterprise has responded, but she's about 30 minutes away at maximum warp."

"Understood, Lieutenant."

Sparks flew and smoke billowed around the bridge as the Aries shook under fire from the new arrivals. Sasaki was thrown from his chair and slid a few feet across the bridge before being helped up by Solkar. He nodded up at him gratefully and returned to his post, checking for anything further from the Enterprise.

The Aries lashed out with phaser fire one last time on the first Klingon vessel; this time tearing a wide gash in the hull near the engineering section.

Solkar took in the readings and then peered up at the viewscreen intently. "Captain, I recommend we move away from the first Klingon vessel. I'm reading an energy buildup in the engineering section."

"How long before she blows?"

"About 15 seconds."

"Hold position for another 10 seconds and then jump to warp. Arm aft torpedos and target the derelict ship. I'm hoping the other vessels will be dumb enough to follow and cross over that ship right as she blows."

Damage reports began coming in shipwide as the two Klingon battle ships continued firing on the old Starfleet boarder cutter. "Captain, we have a hull rupture near engineering. Containment fields in place and holding. Aft shields are buckling. Sickbay is reporting casualties." Janeway called out over the noise as the ship bucked yet again under continued phaser fire.

"Warp speed now, helm!" Lochlan called out.

Castillo grinned and punched in the necessary commands. "Warp speed, ma'am!"

The Aries hesitated for only the briefest second before jumping to warp.

"Aft torpedos away," Solkar said calmly.

The bridge crew collectively held their breath as they watched the aft view on the viewscreen. The torpedos sailed away from the Aries toward their destiny with the derelict Klingon Bird of Prey.

"Captain, one of the Klingon ships is pursuing." Solkar informed her, one eyebrow raised in mild surprise.

Lochlan smirked. "Surprise, surprise."

Castillo kept starting at the main viewscreen, anticipating the explosion. "Come on, come on." Then the viewscreen lit up with the much anticipated detonation and several members of the bridge crew raised their arms up to shield their eyes.

"Two Klingon Birds of Prey have been destroyed," Solkar stated matter of factly. "The other vessel is pursuing, but appears uncharacteristically cautious."

"I'd like to appear derelict ourselves." Lochlan punched a button on her chair console. "Engineering, I want to generate some false readings. We're going to give the Klingon vessel out there the wrong impression. Let's look more banged up then we are."

Chief Engineer, Kathleen Bradley grinned with delight. "You're evil, Captain. One fake antimatter containment loss coming right up."

"Okay helm, let's look adrift. Lock phasers on target and await my order to fire."

"Yes, ma'am," Castillo nodded as she concentrated on her board. The Aries began floating in space, occasionally rolling over, and wobbling with no direction in life.

"You know, they're either going to continue firing or try to board us…," Sasaki mumbled, not seeing where their captain's plan was headed.

Lochlan ignored her. Perhaps she'd missed the part about the phasers.

Solkar continued monitoring the enemy ship. "The enemy vessel is converging on our position. Time to intercept is 10 seconds. They are charging weapons, Captain."

"Not what I was hoping for, but alright. Target their weapons systems and fire!"

"Direct hit. Moderate damage. They are firing on us."

The bridge smelled of smoke and charred wiring as sparks flew and smoke billowed again. Commander Janeway jumped back from the science console as it overloaded and fried. Lochlan turned momentarily to survey the damage as Janeway shook his head grimly.

"Turn the ship to face them, helm."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Bridge, this is engineering. We have a coolant leak down here! Attempting to stabilize, but we may have to dump the core if we lose antimatter containment!"

"Understood. Keep targeting their weapons systems!"

Lochlan gripped her chair again as her aging ship continued bucking and groaning under the constant barrage of weapons fire.

"Captain," Bradley's voice filled the bridge again. "We're losing antimatter containment. I can't stop it. We have to dump the core."

"Helm, bring us to within 500 meters of Klingon vessel and dump the core, then detonate it. We're going to try to take this one out the same way we did the last two."

The Aries responded sluggishly, but with determination as her helmsman maneuvered her into position near the Klingon vessel. The Klingons for their part were so focused on the glory of destroying a Federation vessel that they had forgotten the resourcefulness of its crew.

"Ejecting the warp core!" Bradley said.

"Brace yourselves! Torpedos away!" Lochlan called. "Full impulse power, helm. Let's get as far away as we can."

Lochlan knew they wouldn't get out of range of the aftershock as close as they were to detonation of the warp core, but the ship would make a valiant effort anyway. With any luck they'd survive the ride.

The exploding warp core belched out an aftershock that swiftly overtook both ships and propelled them in opposite directions.

"Reverse thrusters! Try and slow us down a bit."

"Helm is not responding and we're headed for that M class planet right in front of us!" Castillo now seemed a bit panicked. "We're on a collision course."

"Status of the Klingon vessel?" Lochlan asked as she processed Castillo's report.

"The Klingon vessel has not been destroyed, but it has been neutralized for the moment," Solkar's voice was quiet.

"Is the planet populated?"

"There is a population of approximately 500, 000, captain."

Lochlan turned her chair to face her first officer. "I'm not crash landing this ship with a full complement aboard. I want you to evacuate the ship. Stay with the diplomatic delegation personally and set a course to rendezvous with the Enterprise as long as it appears safe to do so. If it doesn't, return to the planet and land. I'm going to stay behind and try to land the Aries in an unpopulated area."

Janeway's blue eyes widened with horror. "Sadara, you can't be…"

"That's an order, Commander! Clear the bridge; proceed to shuttles and escape pods."

Janeway cast a lingering look at his captain as she gave the order over comm to the rest of the crew. As the last of the bridge crew filed into the turbolift, she turned toward him, rising from the captain's chair with a mischievous smile. "Relax Chris, my human half is Irish."

The last thing Janeway saw as the turbolift doors whisking shut in front of him was his captain settling herself at the helm console. He tried not to dwell too long on the feeling it might be the last time he saw her alive.


	2. The Enterprise

Commander Janeway remained in the pilot's seat of the Tycho and repeatedly (and obsessive compulsively some crewmembers might add about the reserved first officer) scanned the derelict Klingon ship as the shuttle warped at a mere warp two to rendezvous with the Enterprise A. It kept him occupied, but he still found it difficult to draw his mind completely away from the fruitless fretting about what had become of the Aries and his captain.

The red headed XO's peripheral vision detected the dignified presence of Ambassador Sarek dropping his tall frame and billowing, ornate Vulcan robes into the seat to his left. The legendary diplomat regarded the much younger Human with a knowing look. Years of marriage to a Human and even more years experience with Humans in general had give Sarek an insight into Humans that most Vulcans didn't. Despite being an intimidating presence with his apparently effortless calm, Commander Janeway couldn't deny that it was also a comforting presence.

Pausing his scan, Janeway swiveled his chair to face the Ambassador. It would have been impolite to ignore him.

"Yes, I'm stewing about things I can't do anything about right now," Janeway smirked slightly. "Well I could, but to turn back to that planet with a diplomatic delegation aboard just to find out if Sadara is still alive would be asinine as she'd put it. The Enterprise will have to investigate anyway so…" He shrugged helplessly. "And usually I'm considered the patient one."

They sat in silence for a moment; the chatter of the other Vulcans in the background filtering toward the front of the shuttle.

"You know what I can't stop wondering about though?" Janeway tapped a few buttons on the console next to him, checking the rendezvous time with the Enterprise. "Would I feel as cowardly abandoning a male captain on that doomed ship as a I do a female one because I feel like a total ass right now. I get that she's twice as strong as I am and twice as smart, but… she's a woman."

That earned him a raised eyebrow from the graying Vulcan.

"I suspect if she wished to be treated with more consideration as a woman she would have chosen a different career. And while Starfleet is not intended as a military organization, the chain of command is essential to order. It is illogical to waste time in such self doubt and self recrimination. She earned her rank and position. It is a greater insult to her to act on what you consider moral, gallant impulses that are counterproductive in the current situation rather than respect her and the authority she has earned. She attempted to save as many lives as she could with her decisions. It is immaterial whether or not those decisions were made by a male or female."

The young commander was silent for a moment as he digested that. After a moment he nodded in understanding and he let out a deep sigh of relief.

"You know what, you're right. And thank you. I needed the different perspective. I guess I'm proof that humans still have a ways to go to achieving true gender equality."

Rising gracefully, Ambassador Sarek gave a brief nod and folding his arms in from of him again, swept to the back of the shuttle to join the other diplomats once again.

W^^^W^^^W

Picking herself up off the floor of the now demolished bridge of the Aries, Sadara whistled in amazement at the carnage. She had been thrown from the helm at some point after impact, though at the moment she really didn't care when. None of the consoles were functioning which she expected but was still unnerved by. There was no telling if something explosive was building up in engineering or wherever so the immediate mission was to find her way out of what was left of the Aries. She anticipated the Enterprise would arrive in minutes, but it wasn't her to wait around like some damsel in distress. Hopefully the shuttles with her crew had already been taken aboard Starfleet's flagship.

_Of all days to be in a tight skirt and heels,_ she whined inwardly. She really only had herself to blame; she loved skirts and still couldn't bring herself to eschew them in favor of pants.

The domed window above the bridge had shattered and that made it the closest exit if only she could devise a way up there with what was available amidst the destruction. She could attempt to exit out an airlock or shuttlebay providing the ship's structure held up well enough for her to get out that way. It was more likely that enough bulkheads collapsed along those routes to prevent her from reaching those areas of the ship.

_Next time I'm keeping a pair of antigravity boots on the bridge…_

W^^^W^^^W

"Mr. Chekov, you have the con. Spock, you're with me," Captain James T. Kirk jumped up from the captain's chair barking orders and bounded for the turbolift. "Once all the shuttles from the Aries are aboard set a course for the planet the Aries crashed on at the safest possible speed. And keep a close eye on that Klingon ship. Uhura, have Dr. McCoy meet us in the shuttle bay."

"Aye, keptin!"

"Right away, sir."

W^^^W^^^W

Commander Janeway exited the shuttlecraft behind the Vulcan diplomatic delegation. A few members of the Enterprise's security complement escorted the Vulcans to guest quarters with the exception of Ambassador Sarek who remained behind to assist as well as to visit with his son, Spock time permitting.

Christopher Janeway swallowed hard as he approached the legendary, but irascible looking Captain Kirk. The Aries' XO could hardly blame him; Sadara was Kirk's wife and for the moment her fate was unknown and Janeway had no information on that score either.

"Captain Kirk," Janeway nodded respectfully at Kirk's expectant look. "Captain Lochlan remained aboard the Aries hoping to land it in an unpopulated area of the fifth planet. I have not heard from her and to my knowledge, neither have anyone else among the crew. I'll have a full report ready for you after I've punched my ticket in sickbay as per regulations."

At this Dr. Leonard McCoy's face brightened in amazement. "Imagine that! A senior officer not trying to buck regulations and evade sickbay!"

Spock's only response to that was a raised eyebrow.

"Evading sickbay is near impossible aboard the Aries. Our CMO is Betazoid, doctor. The captain thought her Vulcan shields would save her from his telepathic abilities, but he is quite clever and found a way to tag her so she couldn't sneak out of sickbay without him knowing about it. They've been trying to outwit each other ever since."

That knowledge only served to brighten the aging doctor's bright blue eyes. "Sounds like a man I need to meet…"

W^^^W^^^W

The Enterprise A dropped speed to standard orbital approach and sensors quickly located the wreckage of the Soyus class Aries.

"Visual," Kirk called. His hazel eyes widened in disbelief as he took in the image before him.

"That's a cryin' shame," Scotty muttered from behind the captain's chair. "Poor ol' lass…" Leave it to Scotty to feel for the wreckage of an old starship.

"Life signs," Kirk called, swiveling his chair toward Spock.

"One, Vulcan life signs," Spock said, meeting Kirk's eyes. "And it appears she was successful in putting the Aries down in an unpopulated region of the planet."

"Have the transporter room beam her to sickbay and alert McCoy. I'm going down there."

W^^^W^^^W

Kirk arrived in sickbay to find Lochlan propped up on a biobed. She was eyeing McCoy with weary resignation as he ran through the various mandatory examinations; obviously itching to check on her crew.

"They're all fine," Kirk smirked with some amusement as he approached her, knowing full well what was on his wife's mind.

"I'm a starship captain. I can't take your word for that," she joked as he leaned down for a light kiss and took her much smaller hand gently in his.

"So uh, had a run in with the Klingons huh?" Kirk smirked, jerking his head toward the direction of the derelict Klingon Bird of Prey.

"Yeah. And I'm insulted by the fact they only sent three Birds of Prey. Next time they'll take me seriously." It was a joke to be certain, but Kirk could hear the self deprecation in it. Sadara Lochlan was not at all amused by the situation or the loss of her first command. He could sympathize. He'd felt a similar loss when he'd destroyed his beloved Enterprise over the Genesis Planet. That she could joke about it warmed his heart though. He knew how hard she could be on herself.

"That was a damned good ship they wrecked. They don't make them like that anymore," she said with conviction, her expression finally reflecting the loss she felt inside. "My crew is alive and no one innocent was hurt; that's what's really important though."

Kirk nodded. "Yes, but I've come to realize the ship is as much family as the crew is."

"Sure does feel that way most of the time. Does Madeline know?"

"I'm not sure," Kirk admitted, "but I'll contact Hikaru in a few minutes. After your demolition derby with the Klingons I thought it best if I didn't risk your wrath by not visiting you first…"

Sadara swatted him on the arm.


	3. Games Vulcans Play

Sadara was discharged from sickbay the following morning. With the Aries lying in ruins back on that planet, she had little in the way of duties save for drafting up the necessary reports mandated by Starfleet Command. Dr. McCoy had instructed her to rest, but she felt compelled to look in on her crew and the Vulcan delegation. Before she could do that though, she needed a shower and an appropriate outfit so she paid a visit to her husband's quarters. Jim had Scotty program a second code into the door for Sadara's use when the Enterprise A first left Spacedock several years before.

Jim had visited her earlier that morning before his duty shift. Their daughter, Madeline had gotten word of what had happened to the Aries and had been understandably upset and worried, but she had calmed immediately after speaking with her father and chose to remain with the Excelsior rather than take leave to join the Enterprise for a visit. Her mother was in the best hands with both Dr. McCoy and Dr. Gannon looking after her recovery so there was no logic in breaking from her duties to visit her parents. She was a brand new Ensign and she wanted nothing more than to leave a good impression on Captain Sulu. She didn't even want to contemplate what her father would say if she didn't.

Entering the recreation deck, Sadara looked around. She expected some of her crew to be spending time here catching up with old Academy chums or getting to know their counterparts aboard the Enterprise. Upon consulting the computer however, she'd learned most had volunteered their time helping in various departments around the ship. The knowledge had filled her with pride.

She made her way through the rec deck looking for a quiet spot to sit and meditate for a short while. To her mild surprise she saw Vulcan Ambassadors Tokar and Sol sitting across from each other engaged in conversation and poised over a game of Kal Toh. They looked up as she passed and nodded politely.

A short while later, the game finished, Ambassador Tokar appeared soundlessly beside Sadara. Her peripheral vision alerted her to his presence and she dropped the two fingers she had steepled in front of her to look up at the towering Ambassador.

"Am I disturbing you?" His voice was quiet, gentle, but carried some authority.

"Not at all," Sadara replied, gesturing to the chair in front of her. "How can I be of service, Ambassador?"

Lowering himself gracefully into the chair, he steepled his own fingers in front of him much how Sadara had been posed a few moments ago. His deep, warm brown eyes lifted to meet hers.

"I wished to ask you some questions of a personal nature, if you are agreeable to such."

That caused Sadara's left eyebrow to shoot for her hairline. Vulcans typically did not pry into the personal affairs of others. For Ambassador Tokar to pursue it indicated a curiosity he found difficult to deny.

She studied him for a moment. For an Ambassador he was young and likely had just been promoted after having spent time as one of Ambassador Sarek's aides. Middle age didn't even seem around the corner for him.

"Proceed," she nodded finally. It normally wasn't her to retreat to such formality and brevity, but Vulcans tended to appreciate such qualities.

"I took the liberty of familiarizing myself with your profile and service record prior to boarding the Aries. I know that you are half Human. I am curious as to why you almost totally reject Surak's teachings."

"As Mr. Spock's accomplishments in the Vulcan tradition would indicate, I'm certain it is not beyond my capabilities to control my emotions. In my case, I do not believe it is necessary. I'm half Human and as such I believe it would be more detrimental to me if I were to try to "override" that part. For many species, humans included, emotional expression is a key component in maintaining one's health."

Leaning forward, Tokar nodded slightly. "You are half Vulcan as well and no doubt carry within you the more primal, volatile emotions of our race. Do you not recognize a need to at least learn the Vulcan mental disciplines necessary to restrain your more intense emotions?"

"You assume I haven't, Ambassador," Sadara returned with a slight smirk. "My mother and grandfather instructed me in many of the ways of Vulcans. I meditated just last night. There is much about me my profile won't tell you."

"Forgive me, Sadara, but your emotions have heavily influenced your life and your career. Two children out of wedlock, one whose arrival was so ill timed, she hindered your career goals. Logic as opposed to lust would have enabled your goal to become a starship captain to occur vastly sooner."

Her left eyebrow started reaching for her hairline again, but this time her large, dark blue eyes held no amusement.

"I have no regrets; about Madeline or anything else I've done for that matter. My life has unfolded as it was meant to."

"Fatalism?"

This time the smirk did touch Sadara's full lips once more. "Realism… logic? I cannot change the past so what would regret accomplish? It is irrelevant that emotions have influenced my life and choices. What is done is done."

"Agreed, but you can always adjust your methods to make your future less turbulent."

For a moment, Sadara remained silent. She pondered that as she noted the sounds elsewhere on the rec deck; idle chatter, games being played…

"My question to you and perhaps many other Vulcans is… why is it so important that I embrace Surak's teachings simply because I am part Vulcan? Why is the Human way so much more inferior to the Vulcan way that I should be shamed into changing who I am and how I live my life?"

Tokar cocked his head at her quizzically as if the answer should be obvious to the woman sitting across from him.

"Save for the obvious emotionalism, your outward appearance suggests you are Vulcan; your ears, your eyebrows, your strength, your mental abilities, physiology… Because of this people expect certain behavior from you, particularly other Vulcans. All Vulcans are in certain ways "ambassadors" of our people. How you behave reflects all of Vulcan."

For an instant Sadara could almost feel her eyes turn hard as obsidian at that.

"So what you're saying is I shame us all by my emotionalism? You do realize my ears and eyebrows can be surgically altered if all of Vulcan is so threatened by my emotionalism? I'm all for the needs of the many…"

"Sarcasm is a defense mechanism," Tokar pointed out simply.

"I disagree; however my point is that it is illogical for billions to perceive threat to the general perception of an entire culture based on the actions of one hybrid. And shame is also an emotion. I would enjoy returning to your statement that sarcasm is a defense mechanism though. I find that interesting, but for a different reason. I would submit that Vulcan control is a defense mechanism. Have emotions become so embarrassingly difficult to endure that Vulcans can no longer bear to have anyone else witness them? I don't even think it's about control for control's sake. I think it's about the individual being able to hide in plain sight."

Tokar's eyebrows shot up in incredulity and what appeared to almost be offense. "Are you implying that Vulcans in general are cowards for not expressing their emotions? Have you not studied Vulcan history at all?"

This time Sadara leaned forward. "You can infer what you wish," she shrugged. "Whole groups of humans have worshipped deities simply because a few well respected men told a good story. Surak actually lived, but the whole of Vulcan adopted his teachings with few critics. The masses aren't always right and the popular teachings aren't always right for every single person. That's all I'm trying to say."

Finally Ambassador Tokar stood and bowed slightly in respect. "I see you are quite resolute in your convictions."

Sadara shook her head. "Perhaps somewhat. I would just appreciate seeing more Vulcans actually practice IDIC than preach it. Captain Spock and I are outcast enough as it is. We could use more support and less criticism."

Tokar nodded. "I will consider your words, Captain."

Inclining her head slightly as he moved passed her, his robes casting a slight breeze, Sadara looked up at him from her chair. "Should you wish to continue our conversation or test my knowledge of Vulcan culture, I would be agreeable to a game of Kal Toh at your leisure."

"I was informed you play Kal Toh," a very familiar, but not particularly deep, voice holding mild curiosity, stated behind her.

Swiveling her chair to face her visitor, Sadara cocked an eyebrow. "Ambassador Sarek. I see word of my chat with Ambassador Tokar has made its rounds. Yes, I've been known to play a game or two."

"My son prefers to play chess. I would appreciate a game of Kal Toh if that is agreeable to you?"

Sadara looked over to the abandoned, though now finished, game of Kal Toh at the nearby table the other Vulcan Ambassadors had recently vacated and nodded, standing. She gracefully made her way over to that table and sat, reaching out to reset the game. The pieces vanished momentarily and they reappeared in disarray whereas a moment ago they had been arranged in perfect order, creating a spheroid shape.

"I knew your great grandfather," the legendary Vulcan Ambassador said as he adjusted his earth toned ambassadorial robes and lowered himself in the chair across from her. Casual conversation was something he'd learned after many years of working with non Vulcans. It was his intention to relax Sadara somewhat by engaging her in more of a fashion she was accustomed to. "He was still in the service of Vulcan when I began my ambassadorial career and I had the opportunity to work with him on many occasions. He was a man of great integrity and logic."

Sadara nodded as she watched Sarek pick up the first rod and place it. She was certain that he would be a formidable opponent.

"Minister Kuvak was instrumental in protecting the Kir'shara from V'Las. From what I've been told he was the only one in the Vulcan High Command who questioned the command's activities, particularly where the Andorians and the Syrranites were concerned. Apparently he was quite… tenacious and vocal about his disapproval. He died the year after Madeline was born, but I remember spending much time with him during my youth."

A small, but warm smile touched her full, red lips as she reflected on the memories. "No matter how old or ill he felt, he seemed to always have the time and energy for his family. He even made a few surprise visits to Earth to visit me and my mother."

Retrieving a rod from the pile at the base of the game platform, she placed it across from the rod Sarek had placed and gave some thought to anticipating his next move. Having spent much time among other races, expecting him to approach this game without some unexpected moves would be illogical, especially when hoping to outmaneuver an experienced player who didn't rely solely on logic.

"Tokar had an interesting thought about you earlier. He thinks perhaps you expect to be judged by Vulcans and have in essence created your own reality."

"Perceptions are real? I am familiar with the concept. It is a possibility. Vulcans are obviously difficult to read and admittedly I find that… unsettling."

That earned her a raised eyebrow from the serene ambassador as he contemplated his next move. The pieces were taking on a decidedly more organized, spherical shape though there were still many more pieces yet to be placed.

"You assume all Vulcans judge you and that they all must be thinking the same thing. Intellectually you know this to be illogical so why do you persist?

"Vulcans disapprove of emotional displays and actions based on emotional impulses. I permit myself that. Since I can't read Vulcans, I am not sure where I stand with them."

"Is it important?"

"In the long run, I would say no, likely not. I understand that Vulcans believe it is necessary to suppress all emotion in order to control them, but I don't think it really needs to be that extreme. Perhaps Vulcan emotions are more intense than Human ones, but I think, as with Humans, Vulcans can learn to integrate emotions and logic. "Controlled expression" of emotions seems a more reasonable goal. Everything in moderation as they say."

Sarek placed another piece and remained silent for a moment. "This more extreme version of emotional control, as you put it, is relatively new to Vulcan society. Minister Kuvak knew a time before the Vulcan Reformation when vocal inflections and more facial expression were slightly more commonplace."

"I noticed that about him as well," Sadara nodded. "But that brings me to another question I have about Vulcans. They can be so quick to point out the emotionalism and violence of other beings and yet it has been barely 139 years since the defunct Vulcan High Command turned to violence in an effort to eliminate the Syrannites. Pot meet kettle."

Sarek leaned back as he waited patiently for Sadara to make her next move. The hour had grown somewhat late and the rec deck had quieted a great deal since earlier in the day.

"So your objection isn't so much the Vulcan way of life, but the hypocrisy you believe permeates its society."

"I would say that's a fair statement. I still believe such strict emotional suppression isn't healthy, but unless I'm working with a client, it isn't my purview to comment on how others live their lives," she shrugged, before continuing.

"I find the Vulcan way of life to be devoid of many elements that make life worth living, but then I was raised in a culture that has different values than what Vulcan culture does. It is difficult to understand how one can find fulfillment in what they do, the relationships they have, and so on without emotional components. I can see how life decisions such as career choices can be made solely by logic, but friendships, marriages, relationships with children… those develop from sharing, often on a personal level. I don't see how sharing can be accomplished on logic alone. Sure you can share Surak's philosophy with me for instance, but that tells me about Surak and not you, other than perhaps you favor that philosophy."

The game was coming along well. Another several pieces and a winner would be decided.

"Have you ever experienced the Vulcan mind meld?"

Shaking her head, Sadara noticed that the ship's lighting had just been switched from day to night indicating that gamma shift had just taken over watch for the night. "My mother didn't feel she was experienced enough and I have not had other opportunities."

"I believe that many of your perceptions may be clarified by a mind meld with an experienced melder. Under normal circumstances I would not suggest such a thing, but as you did not grow up in Vulcan society, I do not believe attempting to explain the philosophies to you will convince you of why we choose to suppress our emotions. You are more likely to understand if you can experience the reasons through the eyes of a full Vulcan. I also believe you would benefit greatly from bonding with a Vulcan male. Vulcan marriages are not as devoid of closeness as you believe."

Placing the second to last piece, Sadara realized that Sarek would win this one, but she was rarely a sore loser and in the end it was irrelevant. While the goal was to be the player to place the last rod, the teamwork resulting in the finished sphere was ultimately what was valued.

"As I am currently married, that is impossible, but I shall consider it for later in my life. As for melding, I am open to it as I know of no better option."

Sliding the final rod into place, Ambassador Sarek stood, his tall frame towering over her and casting a shadow on the nearby wall. "Then if you will permit me tomorrow at a time of your choosing, I would be agreeable to the mind meld."

"I will let you know by 0900 hours, Ambassador."

The graying Vulcan nodded and swept out of the rec deck, his robes billowing behind him as his quiet footsteps faded in the distance, echoing in Sadara's thoughts and she leaned back in her chair and sighed.


	4. Information Sharing

Sadara had made her decision more quickly than even she would have thought. She could be impulsive about many things, but some things like Vulcan mind melds required more consideration on her part. She had chosen to meditate on the offer for a short while after returning to Kirk's quarters that evening, but had made her decision before retiring to bed. She left a message for Ambassador Sarek and then padded her way to the bedroom to change into a peach colored satin slip for bed.

She had taken her now shoulder length, dark brown hair down from the updo she always kept it in while on duty and brushed through it before tucking it behind her delicately pointed ears. A part of her ached for the long hair she used to have, but really long hair seemed to be for the really young. For a Vulcan, Sadara was still considered rather young, but as a starship captain the more mature, shoulder length, straight bob seemed more appropriate.

Hearing the door swish open in the next room, Sadara set the brush down and threw on a quick robe just in case Kirk wasn't alone. He and Spock were known to stay up and play chess into the late hours on occasion. Padding into the other room, she spied Kirk taking a quick peek at the remains of her things that had been recovered from the wreckage of the Aries. A fairly indestructible chest rested on the floor near the table that contained some treasured items such as her silver wedding dress. Sadara had opened it earlier that day to check on the items in it. The wedding dress had been cleaned and boxed properly after the wedding and had come through the crash landing of the Aries well thanks to the sturdiness of the chest.

Next to the box containing the dress was a small suitcase that Kirk knew contained some sentimental items from Sadara's relationship with Maxus Gannon; likely mostly some of the small baby items and pictures of their long dead son, Tobin who had died in infancy.

On the table were photo albums and a shoebox sized container. The container was unlocked and Kirk, curious and finally unable to resist himself, peeked inside. Archaic envelopes of varying colors peered back at him with familiar handwriting… his own. His bright smile widened with the confirmation of his suspicions and the realization of the extent of his own wife's sentimentality. Kirk loved antiques so the chance to write old fashioned love letters with actual paper and pen had been irresistible. Those letters though were pushing a quarter century old.

"Yes, I kept them," Sadara confirmed with a smile. She was relishing the slight look of chagrin on her husband's still handsome face as he looked up toward the doorframe of the bedroom.

"So this is where displaced starship captains stay?" Kirk joked, closing the lid on the box.

"Would Spock have had a leg to stand on should he have told me no?" She teased, then the humor in her voice faded to seriousness as she took in her belongings.

"It was difficult to decide what to take with me aboard ship as opposed to leave in the house on Earth. I felt more comfortable keeping these things with me though I suppose they are more prone to ruin on a starship. Still… they could be victims of a fire, an earthquake, and the like planetside."

Making the short trek to the food slot, the Vulcan/Human hybrid programmed up some black coffee for Kirk and hot chocolate for herself.

"I gather Spock let you off the hook early for chess tonight?" She said, handing him the mug.

Kirk took a sip and then set the mug on the table to his left. He reached for her mug and did the same with it, then tugged the robe off of Sadara's slim shoulders and returned it to the closet.

"Spock isn't here and I know how much you prefer only one layer of clothing."

Sadara glanced at the peach hued slip she wore. "Sorry, it's an old one I left here after the wedding. Most of my clothing was ruined in the wreckage."

"You look incredible," Kirk said, pulling her to him for a long, deep kiss. He held her for several long moments after the kiss ended, resting his cheek in her soft, floral scented hair. He'd come close to losing her and that scare had served as a reminder that every moment they had together was precious. And now their daughter was in Starfleet serving as an Ensign aboard the Excelsior which meant that Kirk not only had Sadara to worry about, but now their only child as well.

Pulling back, he gave her forehead a gentle kiss and then finally released her. He didn't say anything; he didn't need to.

"Ambassador Sarek and I had a rather interesting conversation about Vulcan philosophy earlier," Sadara said after a long moment. He's offered to mind meld with me in an effort to better enlighten me about why Vulcans have chosen the path of emotional suppression. I've decided to take him up on it."

Kirk's eyebrows lifted in curiosity. He was mildly surprised she would be open to such a thing given her anxiety around Vulcans.

She knew what he was thinking and put up a hand. "I'm approaching this with an open mind. I think. And maybe I'll learn something that will help the nervousness."

"You'll get no argument from me. I think it's a great idea."

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The following morning found Sadara Lochlan dressed in lightweight, flowing Vulcan robes. She favored comfortable clothes and most Vulcan clothing was exactly that; loose and lightweight. Due to the highly personal nature of the Vulcan mind meld, Sadara was asked to join the Ambassador in the VIP quarters, away from prying eyes and the hustle and bustle typical of life aboard a starship.

Pressing the door chime, she waited for the call to enter. The door slid open and Ambassador Sarek motioned for her to join him. They sat next to each other on the couch and Sadara faced him as well as she was able without resting a leg on the cushions. The lights were dim with a few well placed candles lit.

The legendary ambassador said nothing as he settled himself and reached out to her. His fingers were warm on her face as they found the meld points with practiced ease. The sensation was disorienting for a brief moment, but they both adjusted quickly. Knowing it was expected of her, Sadara lowered her remaining barriers. The more Sarek understood about her, the better able he would be to show her the answers to her questions.

For a few moments, they could both see images from the other's life as well as experience vicariously the tumultuous emotions associated with the experiences. Sadara registered some surprise at the intensity of Sarek's own emotions. She had previously believed his outward serenity had to a large extent been achieved easily from a naturally calm interior. Vulcans could be a mixed lot in some ways just as humans were. Some found it easier and more natural to master emotional control than others. She had pegged Ambassador Sarek for the former rather than the latter.

The scene shifted to life in ancient times on Vulcan around the time of Surak, the founder of modern Vulcan philosophy. Images of Surak himself appeared frequently and it took Sadara a moment to realize it because she thought the stories were just legends, but it seemed as if the legends were true; the katra of Surak had survived the millennia being passed down from generation to generation, usually be a descendent of Surak himself.

All around them, Vulcan civilization lay in ruins with still more warfare of the bloodiest kind being carried out as if the deeds were simply chores to be done. The ground was stained so green that Sadara was mildly surprised that what bodies of water Vulcan did have weren't running green. The loss of life as much as the lack of regard for life was truly staggering. She gasped at the horror scene in front of her, and then gasped again as another male voice emanated from behind her.

An older, white haired Vulcan male appeared beside her to her left and looked out over the cliff toward the craterous remains of what had once been a thriving city. The pitiful wails of men, women, and children filled the dry, hot Vulcan air.

"Something needed to change," the old man said simply. "Especially the Vulcan people and what they held dear."

"But isn't complete emotional suppression the opposite extreme, sir? Humans have a saying, "everything in moderation."

"Including warfare?" Surak returned curiosly.

"Of course not," Sadara said softly. "You know what I mean."

"I do. Vulcans are not humans, my child. Your difficulty in understanding Vulcans stems from your education and your more human upbringing. What does your education tell you about emotional suppression?"

"Among many emotional species such as humans and Betazoids, the bottling up of emotions, particularly ones such as anger, resentment, and grief, over lengthy periods of time can lead to physical ailments such as depression, migraines, stomachaches, and even heart trouble. Issues with social and career functioning are common as well. It all adds up to the suppression of emotion adding up to a whole lot of trouble. The pon farr has even been said to be much more intense since Vulcans began suppressing their emotions."

Sarek, to her right, spoke up for the first time since this aspect of the meld began. "This is why Vulcans have used such techniques as meditation. In many ways, Vulcans find the practice of such techniques to be as cleansing as the expression of emotion is advocated for among humans and other species. That is perhaps the most accurate comparison I can make."

Sadara turned toward him and pondered that a moment. "Alright, I can see that. However, that requires much skill and practice to attain the discipline necessary for the outcome you mention. Not all Vulcans may accomplish such adequately. I'd also like to point out that while emotional species all tend to have their troublemakers, most people have learned to express their emotions in appropriate fashion for the most part. Social behaviors are taught to children at a young age so they grow up knowing that in certain situations some behaviors are called or uncalled for. Vulcans are unable to achieve this middle ground? It must be one extreme or the other?"

Surak regarded her. "As I'm sure you're aware, Vulcan emotions are extremely intense. To allow even slight emotional expression would be to…"

"I think I see," Sadara said. "Moderation with emotion would be near impossible because a little bit leads to a lot. Like they say on Earth, "give a person an inch and he takes a mile. The Vulcan wouldn't know when to stop basically; much like some members of the Vulcan High Command in the 22nd century."

"Correct," Surak nodded. "Were it not that way, your perspective would be more applicable to the average Vulcan."

"But then I am not seriously out of control and I express my emotions…," Sadara said with a devilish smirk.

"You are half Human!" Surak and Sarek chorused together.

"Hey, it was worth a shot," she shrugged.

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The mind meld had left Ambassador Sarek with some sense of accomplishment. Explaining that meditation cleansed emotions in Vulcans in a similar vein that emotional expression did for Humans seemed to click for Sadara. The dignified ambassador wasn't certain if she was completely convinced yet, but she'd opened her mind some and that was always a start.

Unfortunately, a sense of accomplishment wasn't all that Sarek had been left with after Sadara had departed. It had left him perplexed and somewhat unsettled. There had been one rather serious incident with a few Vulcans cousins of hers in her childhood that had been mean spirited and meant to hurt her and the spurts of uncalled for, yet unavoidable teasing about her human blood, but Sarek was convinced that wasn't enough to account for the rather acute anxiety Sadara seemed to experience around Vulcans.

There had been a part of her mind that had been walled off to him; a part that he was reasonably certain had not been closed off by Sadara herself. It had been pushed into the deep recesses of her unconscious. As a diplomat, Sarek had some training in psychology. It was necessary to have an understanding of the mind and behavior so he knew that with humans it was possible for an event to be so traumatic that the person could actually repress the memory and be unable to remember it. It was a defense mechanism of the human brain. But Sadara wasn't fully human and her physiology was mostly Vulcan. Someone else had to have walled off whatever memory that was. Perhaps a healer. And anxiety could stem from an event not fully recalled by the conscious mind. Many humans developed phobias as infants or young children without recalling the triggering event. A psychic imprint was left that signaled danger at the appearance of the stimulus. And Ambassador Sarek believed that was the situation here.

What the middle aged Vulcan wasn't certain of whether or not he should pursue it or leave well enough alone. If he was correct, the key to freeing her from her anxiety around Vulcans was behind that door. Research was needed. Perhaps there was something in the records and her past history that might yield some useful information. Sarek didn't know what he was looking for, but he was positive he'd know it when he saw it.

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"I fear my father and I are to blame, Ambassador."

A few hours of research and with still no indication of what might be locked away in Sadara's mind, Ambassador Sarek decided to have a word with the parents. In this case, the mother, Solara responded. Brian Lochlan was out in the field training some StarfleetAcademy cadets. Sarek's eyebrows lifted slightly in surprise as he noted the woman's appearance. Sadara clearly favored her mother.

"My paternal grandfather has been a member of the Vulcan Isolationist Movement since my marriage to Brian. Sadara had chosen to finish her education on Vulcan when she was 22 years old and had taken up residence in my grandfather's home. Shortly after her arrival, my paternal grandfather, Sokal had her kidnapped during a trek to one of the nearby retreats. There he allowed my former betrothed, Sodan to use my daughter to slake his pon farr. My father and husband were able to locate them with the assistance of Vulcan authorities, but the damage had been done at that point."

Closing her dark blue eyes in painful memory, Solara continued. "At the hospital, Sadara was examined by a healer along with everyone else involved with her care. Because Sadara had the clarity of memory that Vulcans do, but lacking the practiced skill of most Vulcans to reach a point of psychological resolution with the events, the healer felt it was in her best interest to isolate the memory from her conscious mind."

Sarek steepled his fingers in front of him as he digested the information. Large, ornate rings with various gems of Vulcan origin decorated the long fingers.

"I encountered the block in her mind unintentionally during a mind meld earlier. She is well otherwise. The reason for the meld was simply to clarify certain aspects of Vulcan life. Sadara's anxieties around Vulcans is troubling and I believe it stems from that isolated memory."

Solara's eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "But how is that possible? With the memory isolated from conscious mind, shouldn't the associated emotions be as well?"

"I am not a psychologist; however my understanding is the mind has many ways to heal and defend itself. While the memory is not part of her conscious mind, somehow her brain has still trained itself to register some alarm when she's around Vulcans."

Solara peered at him in thought. "Sounds more like something the human brain would be capable of. My husband fought against the block. He believed it would be better for Sadara in the long run to face it head on. Perhaps he was correct after all."

Sarek unclasped his hands and sat up straighter. "I thank you for your time, Solara. I am not certain what will happen next. I must consider the situation further."

"Understood, Ambassador. Live long and prosper."

With a nod, Sarek ended the transmission and sat back in his chair again. He was going to need the assistance of a few people that knew Sadara Lochlan best.


	5. The Vulcan Isolationist Movement

Sodan and Sokal arrived in the medical bay shortly after Dr. Kosak's urgent summons.

"What has that impulsive son of mine done to himself now?" Sodan barked as he pushed past the elder Sokal. "He must get this from his mother. She's never even seen him and yet everyday he grows ever more like her…," he continued, but he was silenced abrubtly as he caught sight of his unconscious boy on the biobed in the nearby alcove. His skin was a sickly pale hue; and he was attached to various monitors and machines that beeped as they kept constant tabs on the young man's vitals.

This time it wasn't the usual separated shoulder or broken ankle or any of the other myriad of injuries the young man had returned to the compound with since he was a young boy. This time it was painfully obvious that it was far, far worse; and the grim look that haunted Dr. Kosak's normally expressionless gray eyes bore witness to that fact.

"Apparently Sokon decided to embark on a rather lengthy trek through the nearby caverns with his cohorts and encountered a Lematya. Fortunately for him his cohorts were able to frighten the beast away and carry him back to the compound. Unfortunately for him, he requires a blood transfusion as soon as possible or he will likely perish."

Sokal, leader of the Vulcan Isolationist Movement finally joined the old, conservative Dr. Kosak and the distraught father, Sodan and spoke.

"Sokon has been warned about the caverns on many occasions. Why he persists is beyond my comprehension."

Sodan turned and gave the elder male an incredulous look. "Really, Sokar? The impulsive ones were spawned on your side of the family. They were the entire reason you chose to join this movement in the first place."

The expression on Sokal's face remained unchanged. It rarely did. He was the classic, stoic Vulcan through and through. "Indeed, my friend. Quite right. I simply meant that I had hoped Sokon's upbringing in the absence of such… impulsive rolemodels would have led to a more reserved young man."

Dr. Kosak cleared his throat with urgency. "I would recommend arguing about such things at a later time. Sokon is part human with the same blood type as his biological mother's. Without her, Sokon will die."

Sokal actually raised an eyebrow at that. "That is out of the question. To do so would risk the woman learning of the son she is mercifully ignorant of. If she learns of him there is no way of knowing how far she'll pursue the VIM to find out what else we've been doing. I've tracked her career. She knows not when to quit. I will not risk the entire movement for one person."

"You would condemn your great great grandson to death without even one attempt to save him?"

"He is part human. I have other descendents who are full blooded Vulcans."

"It is still life," Dr. Kosak said matter of factly as he checked Sokon's readings on the monitors. No change. Regardless of how the conservative old man felt about Vulcan's increasingly liberal attitudes toward offworlders, his ethical obligations as a doctor were clear; and if he had convictions about anything it was that.

"Leave," Sodan said quietly. "I wish to sit with my son."

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Drifting in and out of consciousness, Sokon was able to pick up bits and pieces of the conversation going on around him, but their voices seemed so far away and he strained to hear them. He had been able to identify them; his father, Sodan, Dr. Kosak, and the leader of the VIM, Sokal. The loss of blood and the medications he was on had combined to make it difficult for him to focus for long. The young man was amazed he'd even reached any state of consciousness given all of that. He could barely even recall his encounter with the Lematya.

_I should be in a healing trance… Perhaps I should just remain in this state for the rest of my life in order to avoid the lectures I'm going to get when I recover…__Seems like a good trade off.__But what was that about needing a transfusion?__And finding my biological mother?__I've never been told anything about her.__Why?__Must recover first, then concern myself with that._

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Sodan sat down in the chair next to his son's biobed. The sterile environment of medbay felt almost like a second home to him and his only child given Sokon's penchant for recklessness since he was old enough to crawl. If he could reach it, it went in his mouth or he pulled it down on his head. And then when he was old enough to explore the compound, he learned every nook and cranny of it until he grew bored and began sneaking outside on the hunt for new territories to explore. The more logical of the Vulcans inhabiting the VIM compound left rarely and only for necessities in order to preserve the secrecy of their location. Sokon left whenever the urge struck him, even at the ripe old age of 29 when he really should have more impulse control. Sodan and Sokal had all but given up trying to reason with the young man.

Sodan studied his only child's features as he when he'd sat here so many times before as Sokon was growing up. Dark brown hair, long, straight nose, and dark blue eyes. He didn't have a particularly angular face as was characteristic of most Vulcans. His full cheeks gave him a youthful appearance that would likely serve him well as he aged. Those traits he inherited from his mother. The shape of the ears, the thin lips, and the tall, lanky build marked him as Sodan's.

Until now, Sodan had firmly believed in the VIM's purpose. His intended bride, Sokal's granddaughter had chosen the kalifee with intents to marry a human male and Sodan and Sokal had been angered and offended by it. He had to admit to himself that his reasons for joining the VIM were largely due to a personal affront by his ex fiancee and that human. Since he couldn't have the granddaughter, he'd taken the great granddaughter, if only to slake his pon farr at the time. The woman had been rescued by father and maternal grandfather, but not before Dr. Kosak had transferred the brand new embryo to a surrogate who later gave birth to Sokon.

But now, as he sat there staring at his quarter human son, Sodan had to acknowledge his own hypocrisy and that if he didn't decide what was more important to him soon, Sokon would perish. Here he was; a member of the Vulcan Isolationist Movement with a quarter human child. He was fighting for the purity of his species and yet he'd helped to bring another hybrid into the universe. And nothing could change the fact that he cared for his only child very much.

It baffled him that Sokon's great great grandfather, Sokal could so easily dismiss the young man's life simply because he was of mixed blood, a circumstance Sokon had no say in.

Sodan could no longer remain in the VIM and it took Sokal's bigotry against his own blood to make Sodan realize it. His decision made, Sodan stood and exited sickbay and finally the compound. The raven haired Vulcan decided to walk in order to "fly under the radar" so to speak. It took a few hours in the dry, desert heat, but he finally arrived in the nearest city. He located a comm unit available for public use in a nearby building where he put in a call to be placed to Ambassador Sarek. If anyone had the political weight to help locate Sokon's half human mother, it would be the Ambassador, who had spent many years on Earth. He would have much explaining to do and he wasn't even certain that the mother, if found, would even be interested in helping, but it was a chance he was willing to take.

To Sodan's inner astonishment, Sarek himself took the communiqué.

"I wouldn't happen to be speaking with the Sodan associated with the VIM, would I?" Sarek's warm brown eyes shone with mild humor, though seriousness underscored his tone.

A small sigh escaped Sodan's thin lips. "Correct, Ambassador. I require your assistance if I am to save my quarter human son."

It didn't escape Sarek's attention that a member of the VIM just admitted to having a mixed breed child, but he didn't point out the hypocrisy that Sodan was very well aware of already.

"The preservation of life is logical. If I am able to assist you, I will do so. What is your son's situation?"

Relief shone in the younger Vulcan's brown eyes. "My son, Sokon was injured during a trek through the mountains earlier this morning. His blood type is the same as his biological mother and he is in need of a transfusion soon or he will die. His mother is unaware of his existence and I need help locating her in the hopes that she will help. You carry the necessary diplomatic and political weight to help find her as well as the knowledge of humans. I am requesting your help in finding her."

"And her name?" Sarek asked curiously, though he was fairly certain that a couple of mysteries were about to be solved. And Sarek's decision about a recent concern would be made for him.

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Ambassador Sarek's summons had been urgent, leaving Captain Sadara Lochlan uncharacteristically grateful that she was not the captain of the ship she was on and had the spare time to react immediately. Urgent summons though rarely heralded good news and Sadara could only wonder what could be wrong. Perhaps there had been an unintended side effect of the mind meld. Logically it was likely something that only she could assist him with otherwise it would have been more appropriate to involve the Enterprise A's captain, Jim Kirk.

Upon her arrival to the guest quarters the stellar diplomat had been assigned to, Sarek dismissed his aides and faced the displaced starship captain, his hands clasped in front of him in his customary pose.

"I require your assistance."

"Of course, Ambassador. Whatever I can do to help, I will."

The Ambassador had pondered the most effective way of broaching the subject with the much more emotionally driven hybrid. And while he believed he'd found a workable approach, he wasn't guaranteed success. Much about Sadara could be unpredictable. Perhaps it would have been wiser to have her husband, Kirk's advice.

"During our mind meld, I encountered a part of your mind that was blocked from your conscious mind by an experienced healer. I found myself in an ethical quandary as to whether or not I should inform you so I contacted your mother in the hopes she'd have information that would help me make a decision."

The Ambassador swept passed her as he moved across the room to peer out at the stars for a moment and gather his thoughts, then he turned back to the patiently waiting Vulcan/Human hybrid.

"Not long ago, I received a communiqué from a member of the Vulcan Isoloationist Movement, Sodan. His adult son, Sokon is one quarter human and in need of a blood transfusion. It was requested of me that I assist in locating the biological mother."

Sadara followed the diplomat's words to their logical conclusion, though her expression was incredulous. "You believe I'm this Sokon's biological mother? That's impossible! Surely I'd know somehow that nearly a year of my life was missing."

Warm brown eyes met dark blue ones and the tall, dignified Vulcan male nodded solemnly. "I have no proof as of yet; only Sodan's word, but his story parallels your mother's. With your permission I wish to attempt to retrieve the blocked memories."

Sadara went dead silent for a moment; and she paced briefly as she tried to absorb and digest all the potential ramifications of such an attempt. Whatever event in her life that had been blocked from her conscious mind was surely something traumatic. Sarek was an experienced and capable melder, but there could still be psychological consequences in retrieving that memory.

"Perhaps it would be best if gave me some clue of what we might expect to find should you be successful in removing the barrier. It might make it easier for me to reintegrate the memory and cope with it if I have some knowledge of what to prepare for."

Sarek nodded and gestured to the couch, indicating for Sadara to sit and he also lowered himself into the cushions a short distance away. She had already been through much the last several days and though Sarek did not wish to complicate her life further, another's life hung in the balance.

"According to Sodan and your mother, you were abducted by members of the VIM when you were pursuing your master's degree on Vulcan. You were 22 years old. Sodan was your mother's betrothed, but she called the kalifee in order to marry your father instead. Sodan and your great grandfather, Sokal were angered by this and joined the VIM. In an attempt to inflict pain on your parents, Sokal had you brought to Sodan when he entered the plak tow. It was anticipated you would conceive Sodan's child and the embryo was transferred to another female shortly after conception. The Vulcan authorities were able to rescue you not long afterwards and a healer determined it was in your best interest to have the memories blocked and did so with your mother's permission. Sokal and other members of the VIM were able to relocate before the authorities could take them into custody."

Unable to sit still, Sadara rose from the couch and made her way over to the replicator, programming up a mug of hot chocolate to Sarek's mild surprise. His graying eyebrow rose curiously as he studied the young woman.

"What would the VIM want with a quarter human child?" She murmured at last.

"That I cannot say."

"Very well. I'll agree to the meld. I… may need some time afterwards to meditate. I would appreciate it if you could see to the arrangements of bringing Sokon and Sodan aboard when we reach Vulcan."

"Agreed."

He waited patiently as Sadara took another sip of the hot chocolate and then placed it on the coffee table, returning to the seat she had vacated minutes before. Her eyes closed as Sarek's warm fingertips made familiar contact with her psi points. The middle aged diplomat initially felt her apprehension at knowing what emotional terrors these memories would reveal once unleashed, but underscoring that apprehension was the quiet courage to face the unknown and fully accept a young stranger that may very well be her own son.

It took a few moments to follow the labyrinthine pathways of the young woman's active mind. She was constantly pondering the philosophic and the psychological, seeking to understand others just as she sought to understand herself. Fortunately, it had only been days before when Sarek had last touched her mind and bumped up against the barrier the healer had erected around the traumatic events of 30 years ago. As gently as Ambassador Sarek could and with patience, he began chipping away at the barrier until finally the full, terrifying memories of those events sprang forward into Sadara's conscious mind.


	6. Resurfaced Memories

_Groggily, a 22 year old Sadara Lochlan came to.__As she tried to sit up, she found herself restrained to a biobed.__The chirps and beeps of the equipment monitoring her vitals were no doubt letting her captors know she'd awoken.__Looking around, she was indeed in someone's medical bay, but whose?_

_3 Vulcan males exited a room diagonally to her left and approached her.__The raven haired, brown eyed one on the left and just behind the one in the middle was very obviously suffering the ravages of the pon farr.__His trembling fingers were steepled in front of him and his eyes were cloudy with lust and insanity.__He'd reached the plak tow and was rapidly deteriorating to a near animal state, barely recognizable as a person of higher intelligence._

_Sokal, the one in the middle, studied Sadara curiously and she found her own large, sapphire blue eyes staring back at her from his face.__ "__She does look much like my granddaughter, Solara, wouldn't you agree, Sodan?"_

_The rare blue eyed Vulcan male looked to Sodan, who didn't appear to have registered that the elder male had spoken to him.__His eyes were locked on the prone female laying on the biobed, practically within arm's reach.__The urge to dispose of the other two males in the room flared up within him like a raging storm; and it took the last tattered shreds of his self control to restrain himself from doing just that.__The distant whispers of his rational mind reminded him that these men were friends and colleagues who didn't deserve the wrath of his pon farr.__Soon though, he would no longer be able to fight it, especially with the female in the room._

_Mild amusement touched Sokal's typically stoic expression as he turned back to Sadara.__ "__Please forgive my ill manners, my lady.__I am your great grandfather, Sokal.__I am currently spearheading the Vulcan Isolationist Movement.__My young comrade here was your mother, Solara's betrothed, whom she spurned in favor of a human male.__She cost our families a politically advantageous union and I do not take well to being crossed."_

_An indignant eyebrow shot up as Sadara struggled briefly against her restraints, drawing yet another mild look of amusement from Sokal.__ "__Isn't it illogical to punish me for the actions of my mother?!"__She spat._

_Sokal didn't appear phased outwardly, but inside he was rather caught off guard by her attempt to reason with him logically.__He had expected a more emotional reaction._

_"__I agree completely; however Sodan here is in need of… assistance that I cannot provide.__He was rather fond of your mother and you provide the opportunity to unite our families after all."_

_Sadara stared at him incredulously though she had ceased her struggling.__It had proven ineffective and it appeared that, unless found and rescued soon, her strength would be required to survive Sodan's pon farr._

_"__I find it difficult to believe that men so motivated by bigotry that they joined the VIM would still wish a bonding with a half human female simply for political advantages."__She willed calm even though her fury at being controlled was rising like a thunderous stormcloud._

_Sokal's expression hardened. __ "__Your mother is going to learn a painful lesson in defying her elders.__She is going to have to live with the knowledge that her own daughter will have to discharge what were supposed to be her duties to the family.__I would advise you to be logical and accept that you belong to Sodan now."_

_Sokal and the other male, a doctor he had appeared, that Sokal had not introduced, swept out of the room, leaving a young Sadara alone with this Sodan.__It took him a moment for what was left of his rationality to realize he was now alone with the girl and he ripped her free of her restraints only to grab her roughly by the arm, hauling her to her feet.__She struggled against his superior strength, fighting for an opportunity to defeat him with the Vulcan death grip.__Realizing her intent, Sodan roared in fury, the blood fever pounding in his ears and veins.__He would not be spurned again._

_To her astonishment and shame, Sadara froze in fear for the first time in her life.__She had lived among emotional humans her entire life until her recent move to Vulcan and she had never seen anyone so totally on the verge of losing control.__She trembled violently in his arms; and through the physical contact, Sodan could feel her stark white terror.__The small part of him still barely able to think rationally felt shame and embarrassment that he had made her so thoroughly afraid of him, but it was barely an ember next to the inferno of the plak tow._

_He had wished to be as gentle as possible with her.__No Vulcan male wished harm to their female during this horrible time, but without her cooperation that was near impossible.__It would have been preferable to take her back to the comfort and familiarity of his own quarters, but Sokal had wanted her contained in a private section of medbay so she could at least be kept an eye on._

_Sodan took a ragged breath and picked Sadara up, carrying her into a small, unused office in a more secluded portion of the medical bay.__A mattress, light blankets, and pillows had been set out in the far corner of the room, no doubt in anticipation of Sadara's abduction.__No one had been ill recently and at this hour, no one would be here unless someone in the compound paged Dr. Kosak or one of his colleagues._

_The quaking Vulcan male kicked the door closed behind him and dropped Sadara onto the soft mattress.__It occurred to her that she could try to escape now that he'd let her go, but if she wasn't quick enough, he could severely injure or kill her in desperation and fury.__Her best chance for survival was to be still and cooperative._

_Her dark blue eyes squeezed shut as she felt him rip her favorite silk blouse open.__The turquoise fabric fell in tattered shreds about her torso as Sodan continued with her skirt and undergarments in the same vein.__Her long legs were roughly wrenched open and Sadara let out a sharp gasp of pain as Sodan roughly drove into her.__It had been a while, since she and Maxus had lost their son and grown apart, and she wasn't ready for Sodan._

_The crazed Vulcan male came quickly and hard, but the relief brought him a moment's precious clarity and his hands found the meld points.__It would be easier on her for them to have the bond.__His ardor would fuel her own and she'd be better able to calm him and prevent him from injuring her._

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_Sadara woke up apparently returned to the biobed she'd started this little odyssey on.__Everything was hazy and seemed far away, almost dreamlike, but she could make out voices around her.__She heard her father's voice coming closer.__Apparently he'd noticed her stirring._

_"__Sadara!__It's me; it's your father."__The relief in his still young sounding voice was evident._

_The Vulcan girl was still too weak and drugged to respond, but her eyes fluttered open momentarily._

_"__Can we take her back to the hospital yet?"_

_Another voice came from further away, sounded like someone in authority but Sadara couldn't tilt her head enough to see who he was.__ "__Yes.__We've done all we can here for the moment.__If Dr.__Sevel says it is safe to move her, by all means."_

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Ambassador Sarek eased them both out of the meld, his face grim. "You must have been made to sleep through your stay in the hospital. I could not find any memories of that time."

He watched Sadara with concern as she stood up and moved to stare out the window at the stars as they streaked by at high warp. She said nothing for a long time and was oddly stoic for her, especially considering the events they'd just uncovered locked away in her unconscious mind.

"I don't understand," she whispered finally. "If Sokal wished me to be bonded to Sodan why was I abandoned when the authorities arrived? They left me to be found and returned to my family."

Sarek considered that. "Perhaps the conception of Sokon was sufficient for his purposes. To some extent abandoning you was logical. You were the reason the authorities even bothered to track down the VIM. Prior to that they were considered to be of little threat and consequence. Leaving you bought them time to seek refuge elsewhere."

"That explains Sokal, but not Sodan. It is not logical to abandon one's bondmate, especially because of the pon farr. Though I suppose another female could be selected. Still, that's banking on the assumption that a healer would discover the bond and dissolve it."

Sarek stood. "I suspect we may get more answers when Sodan and Sokon are brought aboard. Until then, further speculation is pointless. I must speak with Captain Kirk and make contact with Sodan. Excuse me."

Silently, the middle aged diplomat exited the guest quarters, leaving Sadara to absorb the evening's revelations.

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Captain James T. Kirk returned to his quarters after speaking with Ambassador Sarek. The Ambassador had just brought him up to speed on what had occurred that day, leaving the legendary captain irritated at having been left out of the loop up until that point and concerned for his wife. Usually communication between the two captains was stellar, owing mostly to having raised a family together; but the last week had been punctuated by mind melds and mind blowing discoveries that would have brought any sane person to their knees. They were happening to his wife and he was hearing about it from Ambassador Sarek and not Sadara herself.

He found Sadara setting the table for dinner like she used to do during the times he was home on Earth for leave. She looked uncharacteristically stoic, though when she looked up at him, he saw the stress of the situation reflected in those big blue eyes.

"Why didn't you tell me yourself?" He said quietly.

She laid the second plate on the table and looked him in those hazel eyes. "It was more efficient for Ambassador Sarek to do so. I just found all this out today myself and Sarek had just brought that memory back into my conscious mind. If I had tried to speak of it earlier without any time to take it in, I would have come apart and we'd still be trying to talk about it. Believe me, it wasn't about feeling like I couldn't come to you. I needed time, Jim. Time Sokon doesn't have."

The captain of the Enterprise nodded and walked over to Sadara, enveloping her in strong arms and holding her tightly to him. He stroked her dark brown hair as all the emotions finally came crashing down her.

"We'll be in orbit around Vulcan in about an hour," he whispered into her hair, then laid a gentle kiss on her forehead. His uniform jacket was wet with her quiet tears, but he didn't care. What upset him was that there was precious little he could do to ease her stress from the last week. He didn't think the universe could throw much more at her.

"We should eat. Dr. McCoy said I should eat something early this evening as I may be giving blood later tonight."

Despite the gravity of the situation, Kirk chuckled despite himself. "I'm surprised you can eat with all the stress."

"I don't feel hungry if that's what you mean, but it is important for my health. And Sokon's. I still can't believe I'm this distraught about a boy I've never met."

"He may be your son," Kirk said. "And he needs you."

Sadara said nothing, but sighed deeply and decided to program dinner up with the replicator. She couldn't even contemplate preparing a heavy meal at the moment.


	7. Sodan and Sokon

Sodan had decided to remain in the city until he received word back from Ambassador Sarek. He wasn't disappointed as the communiqué he was anxiously awaiting came a mere two hours later. He gave Sarek the coordinates for his son's location in the VIM's medical bay, fully aware that he was taking a risk that Sarek wouldn't simply send the authorities in to infiltrate the compound.

Sodan even allowed himself to be brought aboard the Enterprise in order to answer any questions that Ambassador and the ship's chief medical officer had regarding the situation and his son's medical history. It occurred to him that he may be facing his last hours of freedom for years if Sarek or Sadara decided to press the matter.

The Vulcan father was escorted by security and Captain Kirk from the Enterprise's transporter room to sickbay where his son, Sokon had already been beamed aboard. He was still in critical condition; still unconscious on the biobed, and if anything, he looked even more deathly pale.

Captain Kirk knew nothing about this Sodan save for what Ambassador Sarek had mentioned and yet the starship captain wanted to pummel him with a fervor he hadn't experienced since he'd wrestled with the recreation of his old academy bully, Finnegan. Still, Kirk felt a pang of sympathy as he noted the Vulcan's grim expression of concern and love for his son.

Kirk remained standing by Sodan as they neared the biobed, but he had to fight the impulse to join Sadara and comfort her at this moment. On the other side of that biobed were Ambassador Sarek and Sadara. Sodan found it difficult to look the woman in the eyes, something that hadn't gone unnoticed by Kirk. Though the pon farr had been beyond his control, he had been part of the movement that had done these unspeakable things to her.

Ambassador Sarek was the first to speak. "I wanted you to see that Sokon is here as agreed; however, Dr. McCoy must begin the procedure soon if Sokon is to recover. In that time, Captain Kirk and I have questions we require answers to."

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"I was unaware of Sokal's intentions to abduct Sadara. When she was brought to me, I was already suffering the affects of the plak tow," Sodan grimaced at the distasteful subject. Vulcans greatly disliked discussing the pon farr and never more than when they had to discuss it with offworlders. "Any Vulcan who has endured the plak tow knows that controlling one's actions is nearly impossible. My own memories of that… time are hazy at best. All I could process at that time was that she was female and could end my suffering."

Kirk stiffened in anger at what seemed like a Vulcan justifying the heinous rape of a young woman, but he reminded himself that Vulcans appreciated this aspect of themselves even less than he did. Kirk remembered how difficult it was for him to watch Spock tear himself up over the unspeakable actions he'd committed those many years ago during his own pon farr. Deep down, Kirk knew it was entirely possible that Sodan had about as much control over that situation as Sadara did.

"She was found drugged and abandoned in the medical bay by the authorities. Every last one of you had vanished into thin air. Why?!" Kirk demanded.

"Sokal hadn't anticipated that Sadara's family would determine her to be missing so quickly, nor had he counted on the authorities locating the compound in such a short period of time. He was unaware that she was not living alone and was actually staying in her grandfather's home and that her mother was also there. Sokal and his son have been estranged for many years."

Sodan continued.

"There were no other reports of Vulcan women going missing so he reasoned that if Sadara was found and returned to her family the VIM would be able to relocate with little pursuit by the authorities. Her physical injuries were consistent with that of a woman who had endured a male's pon farr; something that is almost never charged as rape given the male's insanity. As for being drugged, she had simply been sedated by our doctor while he tended to her…injuries. She was also exhausted from coping with my pon farr."

Up to that point, Ambassador Sarek had simply listened quietly. The more emotionally charged Captain Kirk had been the one pelting the much quieter Vulcan man with the hard questions.

Sodan knew the next questions would involve his knowledge of Sokon's conception and birth so he just spit it out.

"Sokal and the doctor didn't tell me about Sokon's conception until after the embryo had been transferred to the surrogate. Sokal had wanted the child raised in the VIM. Sokon's surrogate mother died when he was very young. I've been raising him alone ever since."

It was stories like these that James T. Kirk understood why people often remarked that real life was often stranger than fiction. If he wasn't living this odyssey himself he wasn't sure he'd have believed it really happened.

"Very well; you'll remain under guard, but you'll be allowed to return to sickbay to be with your son as he recovers. And keep your distance from Sadara."

Sodan didn't have any issues with that last order. He was quite certain he had no desire to find out what this Starfleet captain would do to him if he didn't.

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Sokon awoke to find himself in a place he didn't recognize. He was still in a medical bay of some sort as evidenced by the softly chirping monitors he was attached to, but this med bay looked nothing like the one he was used to at the VIM compound. He felt much better though, still tired and weak, but not on death's doorstep as he'd felt the last time he was conscious. Soft voices emanated from across the room and the lights were slightly dimmed, indicating possibly that the night shift was on duty.

Turning his head to the left, he found a Vulcan woman he didn't recognize sleeping deeply on the biobed about 5 feet away. She looked pale and drawn prompting Sokon to wonder what she was here for.

"She saved your life, son. You required a blood transfusion."

Sokon slowly rolled his head to the right toward the voice of his father, Sodan who was perched on the chair in the corner next to the biobed. A human guard in a maroon uniform that Sokon recognized as belonging to Starfleet stood nearby.

"We are not in the VIM compound. There was no one in the VIM whose blood type was a match for mine?" Sokon's voice held a slight hint of the incredulousness he felt.

Sodan drew in a deep breath, but he pressed on. His son needed to know the truth finally.

"Only your biological mother could save you this time, son."

The young Vulcan stared at his dad in deathly silence for a moment as he processed what his father had just said.

"My biological mother was T'Miri. Like all Vulcans, I remember my birth," he said finally as if that was to be the end of it.

Looking down in shame, Sodan realized what a mistake it had been to have hid the truth from his son all these years. He knew why humans sometimes just buried their faces in their hands.

"T'Miri was a surrogate who carried you to term. The woman whose genes you actually carry is lying on the biobed next to you. Her name is Sadara."

Sokon willed his biocontrols to slow the intense pounding of his heart against his ribs. If what his father said was true, everything he'd ever been told had been a lie.

"Sadara? That's a name that hasn't come up as often as Spock's, but they're of the same hybrid mix, aren't they? Vulcan/Human? I've heard Sokal speak of them on occasion."

Sodan nodded. "Sadara is Sokal's great granddaughter. You are his great great grandson."

"If what you are saying is true, then I am one quarter human. How did a one quarter human/three quarter Vulcan hybrid come to be born to a member of the Vulcan Isolationist Movement? That would seem to be illogical and counterproductive unless I was meant for more corruptive purposes."

Sokon returned his gaze to the ceiling. He wasn't certain he could look at his father at the moment. If he was being told the truth, the woman he believed to be his mother and whom he had loved dearly and missed just as dearly had been a mere surrogate.

_No!_ He corrected himself. _She was my mother in every way that mattered._

Sodan shifted in his chair uncomfortably. He wasn't looking forward to this next explanation, but it was necessary for his son to have all the facts, even though those facts might cause Sokon to doubt his place in the universe.

"I was deep in the plak tow when Sokal had Sadara brought to me. I took her in my madness. Sadara's mother, Solara had been my betrothed, but she had called the kalifee in order to marry Sadara's father. Your great great grandfather saw Sadara as an opportunity to unite our houses after all. The authorities located our original compound more quickly than anticipated during their search for her. Dr. Kosak had discovered that Sadara had conceived and was able to transfer you to T'Miri before abandoning Sadara and the compound. You were born ten months later. T'Miri found herself unable to part with you and raised you as hers until she died."

Sokon's fists clenched and unclenched in rising anger under the warm blankets. Such betrayal from his own father! Nearly 30 years of his life had been a lie!

"And this is all coming out now that I needed a blood transfusion?!"

Sodan nodded, shame clouding his sharp features. "Your great great grandfather wanted to leave you for dead rather than risk exposing the VIM's whereabouts. I couldn't let you die for something that was beyond your control. I may face charges depending on how your biological mother chooses to proceed after she recovers. She has been willing to help save your life. Perhaps she can help you heal. I hear she's a gifted counselor."

Sokon let out a deep breath, willing calm over his volcanic temper. He wondered if that temper was something inherited from the woman sleeping a few feet away because his father was rather passive and submissive unless pushed to his very limits. He could sense the shame his father harbored over how he had handled the aftermath of his pon farr. To some extent Sokon could empathize; even though he had yet to endure the ravages of the pon farr, he was aware that once plak tow was reached the male was considered temporarily insane and would likely not be punished for his actions. Sodan had no more control over what happened during his madness than Sadara had. But Sodan could have handled the fallout in a much more productive way.

Sokon knew the logical thing would be to accept that his life would never be the same as it had been; and if he was honest with himself that was likely a positive thing. Deep down, he had always doubted the VIM's cause and had never felt like he had belonged there. There was too much of the wanderlust in him; and too many questions that never seemed to have answers. He suspected that was why he kept ditching the compound and exploring other areas. His was a restless soul and he'd been searching for something that had always seemed outside his grasp. Perhaps by some strange coincidence it had found him this time.

His head turned to the left again and as he studied the Vulcan woman for a long moment, he knew in his heart that his father was finally telling the truth. There was no mistaking his resemblance to her, though he'd have the doctor show him the results of a DNA test just for good measure.

Sokon wasn't sure how long it would take him to heal from all the lies, but lying a few feet away was someone that had been the victim of similar, but had more experience in coping. He could only hope she'd be kind to him, help him, and accept him even though she'd never known about him.

But would she?

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Sadara found Sokon on the observation deck of the Enterprise A. The young man had been released from sickbay a short time earlier and had been shown quarters for the time being even though the legendary starship was still in orbit around Vulcan. The VIM compound had been his only home and no longer able to return there, Sokon was a Vulcan adrift, just as his father, Sodan was now.

Instinct had drawn the starship captain here. She didn't know him, but Sodan had indicated he was much like her. The observation deck was where she would have gone to hide were she in his shoes. He was standing close to the window, arms folded tightly and defensively in front of him as if he were cold. He might very well have been given the ship's cooler temperatures more suitable to human comfort. His jaw was clenched tightly indicating that his anger had not yet subsided. His dark blue eyes were fixated on his homeworld spinning slowly on its axis below.

The Vulcan/Human female wanted nothing more than to reach out to the young man, but nearly 30 years stood between them, during which time Sokon had believed another to be his biological mother. She realized from experience as a counselor that any attempt to reach out to him could be misconstrued as an attempt to insinuate herself in his life; just another perceived manipulator in a long line of manipulators. Right now Sokon doubted everyone and everything.

"Sokon?" She said quietly and calmly.

The young Vulcan looked up and drew in a sharp breath despite himself. He had heard footsteps approaching, but he hadn't expected Sadara Lochlan to be up and about so soon after that transfusion. It surely had to have taken a great deal out of her.

"Captain Lochlan," he nodded.

The Vulcan/Human hybrid held up a small hand. "Sadara, please. I think captain is too formal here."

With a rueful snort, the younger Vulcan/Human hybrid uncrossed his arms and turned toward her. She was perhaps the only other entity aboard who was deceived even half as badly as he had been.

"Indeed. You are apparently my biological mother so perhaps "mom" would be even more appropriate." He winced at the biting sarcasm in his voice. She didn't deserve it.

"I… apologize. The sarcasm isn't directed at you."

That brought a small smirk of amusement to the woman's face as she moved to stand beside him at the window. "I know you didn't, Sokon. You come by it honestly. And I understand. Your life has been turned upside down in a matter of days."

She watched him as he returned his gaze to Vulcan. The reddish continents punctuated by small oceans coasted slowly by. They were silent for a long moment and Sokon ticked off the names of familiar geographical features on the planet as they came into view.

"And what about yours?" Sokon whispered. "I spoke with my father and Ambassador Sarek. Up until a few days ago, you weren't even aware that any of this had even happened to you. How do you just reconcile this all in your head in such a short period of time; in enough time to save a son you never ever knew about?"

"I will need time to absorb and digest all of this, to be certain. You did not have the time for me to wrestle with all of that before making a decision. The decision to help you wasn't even a difficult one. An innocent person required my help and I was able to provide it. You did not deserve to be punished for the actions of others."

Sokon's eyebrows knitted together in confusion and he cast a sidelong glance at the woman standing next to him. Given what the VIM had said during their occasional conversations about her, he hadn't expected such a response.

"That seems rather logical for one who is purported to be governed by so much emotion."

"Is that what they said about me?" Sadara chuckled out loud this time. "Contrary to popular belief, I am probably not as divorced from my Vulcan half as even I might wish sometimes. That said, compassion was a factor in my decision as well."

They stood shoulder to shoulder peering out the observation deck windows. Sadara had picked up on his desire to look outside the ship rather than directly at her, likely due to how disconcerting and uncomfortable the situation was.

"I wouldn't know where to start with exploring my human heritage," he said quietly after a long moment. "Until a few days ago, I had always believed I was full Vulcan; that another was my biological mother."

"I know of T'Miri. I grieve with thee."

That caused Sokon to straighten again in surprise. "How could you have known of T'Miri? Your paths never crossed as far as I was aware."

Sadara nodded. "Your father asked to speak with me earlier. He informed me of some issues he thought might be troubling you now."

"My father always did worry too much. Learning that T'Miri was not my biological mother doesn't change the role she played in my life. I will adapt in time. It is the fact that I've been lied to and deceived for 29 years that is more difficult to process. That and knowing that I wasn't planned, but instead was the product of a heinous crime. It has made me question my value."

"Don't do that to yourself, Sokon," Sadara's sapphire eyes widened in dismay until they were nearly the size of saucers. "That's unfair to you. Only you can determine your value. That isn't for anyone else or circumstance to decide."

He nodded and looked down at his feet as a long, frustrated and forlorn sigh escaped him. The situation was just as gutwrenching for Sadara. She didn't know Sokon well and hadn't been there for him his entire life, but to see any child of hers suffering automatically meant she suffered too.

"I cannot take T'Miri's place, Sokon, but I will be there for you if you wish me in your life."

He looked up at her finally and something akin to relief shone in his dark blue eyes. "I thank you for saving my life. I would be very much agreeable to having you in it."


	8. Justice

Sodan returned to his guest quarters still under guard. Captain Kirk wasn't convinced he didn't have a hidden agenda. The middle aged captain of the Enterprise suspected not; the Vulcan father seemed genuine enough in his guilt and remorse and concern for his son's health. Still, the guy had some shady connections and was associated with a movement that had no love for outsiders. Kirk had to be cautious for the safety of his ship and crew.

Under the watchful eye of the burly security officer, Sodan activated the comm unit. Sokal, the leader of the Vulcan Isolationist Movement and Sadara Lochlan's great grandfather, appeared on the screen. The elder Vulcan's expression was perfectly neutral, but his dark blue eyes were icy with disapproval and possibly even a touch of anger.

"Sodan, you left no indication of your destination and Dr. Kosak was present in the medical bay when Sokon was transported away. I demand to know what is going on."

Sodan's eyebrow lifted and irritation at the command crossed his features. For the first time in over thirty years, he realized how manipulative the elder Vulcan really was. Sodan may end up facing charges for his role in the events with Sadara and the aftermath. He was prepared and had been prepared for the consequences when he appealed to Ambassador Sarek for help in saving his ill son. Still, he hoped that Sadara would find it in herself to at least forgive his violent actions during his pon farr those many years ago. That part he'd had no control over and he had in now way been involved with Sokal's kidnapping of her. In that respect, Sodan felt like a victim as well, but he had to put things in perspective. Sokon and Sadara were the true victims of Sokal's evil manipulations.

"I ventured out to locate Sadara Lochlan. I was successful. Sokon will live."

Sokal's eyes flashed blue fury at his longtime cohort in the battle for Vulcan isolationism.

"Then you have tipped them off to the location of the compound." Anger was evident in the deep voice now.

Sodan's thin lips lifted in a slight smirk. He found himself enjoying the nearly white haired Vulcan's anger and discomfort.

"The location of the medical bay at any rate," he confirmed somewhat.

"I will not forgive this betrayal. Should I locate you, Sodan… how ancient your punishment will be even I don't know."

"You have more urgent problems, Sokal. I recommend turning your attention to those." For a brief moment, Sodan savored the shocked, furious glare on Sokal's normally stoic face, then cut the connection.

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Captain Kirk and Ambassador Sarek entered the brig area of the Enterprise A and approached the middle detention call. A defiant and furious looking older Vulcan male stood near the force field with his arms folded across his chest. He had obviously and logically been expecting company shortly after his unexpected and involuntary transport to Starfleet's flagship. Kirk recognized the old man's posture as more defensive, but his eyes betrayed his fury.

Due to his relationship with Sadara, Captain Kirk felt unsure of his ability to maintain objectivity in this situation, but he was still the captain of the starship confronting the situation. He was certain that if he couldn't keep his cool, Ambassador Sarek would clue him in.

"I am Captain Kirk of the starship Enterprise. I'm certain you're familiar with who Ambassador Sarek is." Kirk's voice held a touch of sarcasm.

"Naturally," Sokal responded just as sarcastically. His left eyebrow lifted in disdain for the human.

"I trust you realize why you have been brought here?" Sarek asked neutrally.

"Affirmative. Sodan sought the biological mother of his son, Sokol in order to have the needed blood transfusion performed. He went against my wishes and having done so, he has betrayed everything we have worked to accomplish."

Kirk's eyes narrowed in anger at the arrogance and self righteousness of this bastard. To sacrifice an innocent life simply to maintain a dark secret or agenda was abominable to the legendary starship captain. Vulcans though had a different way of approaching things.

"People change," he said finally. "They grow."

"That seems to be a problem occurring with more Vulcans on an alarmingly increasing frequency," Sokal said frankly.

Ambassador Sarek didn't acknowledge that. His own preference for human females made Sokal's attitude repugnant and the accomplished diplomat chose not to engage him in pointless arguments over such things.

"Were you responsible for having Sadara abducted thirty years ago and brought to Sodan while he was in pon farr?" Sarek's face threatened to contort in disgust at the uncomfortable topic, but it was necessary to Sokal's comment on allegations.

Sokal unfolded his arms and his eyes widened defiantly. "Yes, I ordered those events," he said as if that made his actions right.

Kirk wished for nothing more than to let the force field down and pummel the old man. Several lives, some innocent, some not quite as innocent, but all victimized by the misguided agenda of some disgruntled, old conservative. With an effort, the hazel eyed human willed control over his more aggressive impulses. With that confession, justice would be served soon enough.

"You realize that because you admit to being behind those events, Sadara Lochlan may very well bring charges. Sokon could potentially do so as well," Sarek informed him bluntly.

Those icy blue eyes turned hard and cold as Sokal faced Sarek. "They are free to bring whatever charges they wish. I have no regrets, nor offer any apologies for my actions. I care about the purity of our race and culture, Ambassador; unlike you and my granddaughter."

Sarek wasn't quite sure what he expected from Sokal, but nonetheless, his thick eyebrows raised slightly in surprise at the elder Vulcan's vehemence in his convictions. That he wasn't even remotely phased by the possibility of legal action convinced Sarek that the man likely couldn't be reasoned with. He would be quite interested in getting Sadara's professional opinion on such an attitude.

"As you wish," Sarek said simply. His hands were still clasped in front of him in his customary pose. He turned to Kirk, who appeared angry beyond belief at the attitude of the old man. Sarek could empathize, but Kirk's emotions were unproductive when faced with a man like Sokal.

Kirk nodded and turned for the exit. He didn't trust himself to speak so he led the ambassador out and went in search of Sadara.

W^^^W^^^W

Kirk found his wife in the mess hall in conference with her own first officer, Commander Janeway and her chief engineer and best friend, Kathleen Bradley. With the battle with the Klingon Birds of Prey, the loss of the Aries, and now this recent situation on Vulcan, Captain Kirk was certain that this might very well have been the most grueling week of his wife's life. Her first officer had done a more than competent job of seeing to the need and wants of the displaced crewmembers of the USS Aries; and had stepped it up another notch over the last few days as Sadara coped with the personal situation that had cropped up. She had chosen her first officer well.

Now though, with the perpetrator of the crimes against her and Sokon in custody, it appeared that she wished to return her attention toward her own crew. It was after all, only right. Kirk grabbed a cup of coffee from the food slot and drifted off to a table in the corner by himself while he waited for her to finish her meeting. After about ten minutes, Janeway and Bradley rose and departed leaving Kirk free to join his still exhausted wife.

"He confessed to having you kidnapped and brought to Sodan. If you wish to file charges, be my guest. Hell, I'll help you."

That earned him a chuckle. "Made you angry, did he?"

"Furious. You should have heard him. The arrogance and self righteousness of the man… Fortunately, Ambassador Sarek was there so I couldn't fly too far off the handle."

Sadara rose and moved to the food slot herself. She ordered up another mug of hot chocolate and then returned to her seat. She was silent for a moment as she digested everything.

"Sokon expressed an interest in going to Earth and maybe entering Starfleet. I'm considering taking a ground assignment so I can help him get through all this. You're retiring anyway so it would give us a chance to spend some time together. I just didn't want to make any unilateral decisions."

"I think it's a great idea," Kirk grinned. He had to admit that it was a heartwarming thought to think that his wife might take a break from starship command to come sit with him through some of his retirement. It was true that they had spent more years apart than together; and he had no qualms about helping her help Sokon try to find a new direction in life.

Sadara smiled warmly and took her husband's strong hand. She could always count on him to put the important things first. "I'm glad. I'll propose it to him. And yes, I'm going to press charges against Sokal."

"My girl," Kirk grinned.

W^^^W^^^W

Unfortunately, seeing justice through had put Captain Sadara Lochlan in something of a bind. Naturally, she had filed the mandatory reports regarding the altercation with the three Klingon Birds of Prey that ultimately led to the crash landing of the USS Aries on that small class M planet. Starfleet Command typically preferred debriefings of this magnitude be conducted back at Starfleet Headquarters in San Francisco on Earth, but the subsequent discovery and evolution of Sadara's situation with the Vulcan Isolationist Movement and Sodan and Sokon had required her presence on Vulcan as well. Admiral Bolt reluctantly agreed to let Sadara remain on Vulcan for the time being and discuss any issues with the Aries' destruction with her over subspace.

The Vulcan justice system fortunately took less time to investigate most crimes, gather evidence, form cases, and process them through the legal system. Sadara suspected the overall lack of criminal activity compared with most other societies helped the Vulcan justice system maintain its legendary record for such efficiency.

In most cases, it was considered criminal to mind meld with an unwilling participant. The few cases when such an abominable act was permissible involved the forced melding with individuals suspected of partaking in criminal activity that threatened the lives of others. In this case, the kidnapping and subsequent rape of Sadara Lochlan. There was also a need to learn if Sadara had been the only such victim or if others had been the victim of similar heinous actions by the VIM.

Sokal, feeling justified in his actions and showing no remorse, was forthcoming in his account of his actions involving the kidnapping and rape of Sadara. He was less forthcoming in divulging other the VIM's other activities over the years, but consented to the mind meld, claiming he had nothing to hide. An experienced, trained healer was called upon to perform the supervised meld and relayed his findings to the investigating personnel.

Sadara, Sodan, and Sokon were also called up to submit to mind melds to verify the veracity of their own stories. It had proved to be an unpleasant experience for Sadara, having to relive those events, but it was for the greater good, she reminded herself; and the discomfort was only temporary.

"Are you certain you do not wish to press charges against Sodan?" The chief of Vulcan security asked with a raised eyebrow. He was admittedly rather astonished that Sodan was going to escape relatively unscathed in this matter, though he could still face separate charges for his activities in the VIM not related to this matter.

"I am positive," Sadara replied evenly. "Sodan was in the plak tow when I was brought to him and he was unaware of Sokal's actions regarding the subsequent pregnancy. It would be illogical to punish him for events he was unaware of. If Vulcan as a government entity wishes to bring separate charges for unrelated activities with the VIM, that is its prerogative."

The security chief nodded and typed in some final notes into his datapadd. "As you wish. I believe I have all the information I need at this time. You are dismissed."

W^^^W^^^W

Sokal was set to appear in front of a panel of judges that Friday, four days later. Due to his confession and the mind meld confirming said confession, the old Vulcan male would not stand trial, but would appear simply to receive sentencing the sentence the panel of judge's had determined appropriate. Afterward, the panel would be available to discuss the sentence with Sokal if he wished to attempt to negotiate a lighter sentence in exchange for community service or rehabilitation.

Sadara had chosen to attend the sentencing if for no other reason than to learn how harsh her great grandfather's punishment was going to be. Sodan wisely chose to remain out of public eye and spending quality time with Sokon. It remained to be seen how long Sodan would be a free man if Vulcan itself brought charges against the members of the VIM.

Sadara took her seat off to the left of the large room, just as the panel of judges moved to their own seats that towered over the unlucky individuals who had to stand under their authoritative scrutiny. The entire room was an intimidating setup. Even the ceiling was high and domed and in combination with the panel of judges peering down at the poor beings, it was hard not to feel small and insignificant; feelings Vulcans were rather adept at making others experience.

Keldak took the center seat among the five judges and gestured at the guards to escort the accused in. Three pairs of foosteps echoed down the long aisle for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, the stopped in front of the panel and Sokal turned his defiant gaze upward and met Keldak's steel gray eyes.

"Sokal, son of Sendek, do you understand why you have been brought in front of this panel this day?"

"Affirmative," Sokal replied neutrally. His gaze never wavered from Keldak's and his left eyebrow crept upwards in indignation. An expression Sadara was told she gave from time to time.

"Is there anything you wish to say prior to learning of your sentence?"

"Negative."

"Very well then. The evidence collected has been that of personal accounts, verified by the proper and legally sanctioned mind melds, as well as that recovered and discovered by the investigation of Vulcan security's thorough sweep of the VIM compound itself and any available records found. It is the judgment of this panel that you are guilty of the charges brought against you by Sadara Lochlan to include kidnapping for the purposes of alleviating the pon farr of another as an act of vengeance against the victim's mother and the removal and transfer of an embryo without the mother's consent."

The judge paused momentarily, studying the accused for any signs of remorse or guilt. He found none.

"Your selfish actions resulted in the production of a young man who spent the first thirty years of his life without his mother and the truth. You will spend the next thirty years in custody and ten after that in some form of community service and rehabilitation. If you have questions regarding this sentence or wish to plead for an alternate sentence, this panel will entertain such discussions after we've adjourned."

Sokal inclined his head. "Understood."

Keldak looked over to Sadara and inclined his head, indicating her presence was no longer required. She rose and exited the room, leaving Sokal to his fate.


End file.
